Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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