i was born a porn star she said
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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