Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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