nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
