Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
