The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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