Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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