my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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