I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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