Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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