He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize