Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
