someone threw a dead crab at me
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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