I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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