the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
