Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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