im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
