I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
