Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
