Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
