My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
