I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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