lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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