You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
