OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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