New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
