i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
