Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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