I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
