I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
