Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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