I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
