How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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