I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
