Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i believe in u and ur pee
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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