please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
