Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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