My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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