I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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