I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
