found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
