I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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