I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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