He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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