Just fell off a train. Bad.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
