You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize