You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
