is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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