do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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