okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
