my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
