the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wish you could order shots online.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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