next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
