i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
