dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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