Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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