while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If its not for food we ain't going out.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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