This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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