Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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