he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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