she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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