Already got asked if we're dating
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
