I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
