can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize
