Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
