he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
