My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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