come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
